There’s a quiet moment in the consultation room that I’ve come to recognise.

A woman sits across from me. She’s strong. She’s hopeful. She’s tired. She’s done the tests, tried the cycles, taken the injections. And then I say the words that feel heavier than they should:

“You may need to consider donor eggs.”

And for a moment, it feels like time stops.

The questions rise, but they stay inside.

“Will the baby still be mine?”
“Will people know?”
“What if I don’t feel connected?”
“Why me?”

These are the questions no one prepares you for. Not in medical school. Not in society. Not even in support groups. But these are the questions that need answering — with honesty, empathy, and no judgment.

Let’s start here: Yes, the baby will still be yours. Entirely, emotionally, and deeply yours.

Donor egg IVF simply means that the egg used to form the embryo comes from another woman — a healthy, carefully screened donor — but it is fertilised with your partner’s sperm and grows in your womb, nourished by your body, connected by your breath, your heartbeat, your blood.

Science tells us that the womb plays a powerful role in shaping how the baby grows — not just physically, but even at the genetic level through a process called epigenetics. But even beyond science, there’s a truth all mothers know: Motherhood is not in the egg. It’s in the love. In the waiting. In the showing up every single day.

Still, I won’t pretend the emotional journey is easy. Choosing a donor is personal. In India, it’s anonymous, and donors are matched based on physical and cultural traits. You won’t know her name or face, but you’ll know she helped you build your family.

And if you’re grieving the loss of a genetic connection — that’s okay. That’s normal. That’s human. Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. Talk to someone who understands.

I’ve seen women walk into that first donor cycle full of doubt. I’ve seen them walk out of the delivery room, eyes full of tears, hearts full of love. And not one of them ever says, “This child doesn’t feel like mine.” Because from the moment they felt that first kick, there was no doubt left.

If you’re considering donor egg IVF, know this: you are not less of a woman. You are not a failure. You are a mother, fighting for a chance to hold your baby. And there is so much beauty in that.

You may not have chosen this chapter. But you are allowed to write it with strength, softness, and pride.